Why being a nice guy sucks?
Computer and programming industry is full of nice guys. I’m not sure if this field of work makes people really want to be nice or this type of personality is more prone to use and love computers. In either case being a nice guy seems to be a good way to go, but being overly nice to everyone actually comes at a cost we should know about and consider.
Who is a nice guy?
A nice guy is a person (usually a male) that tries to always be nice to everyone. This means he will always do whatever possible so people around him can be happy. He is always there when anyone needs a helping hand. There to support, always charming and sympathetic. He will never put his own grievances upon others and appears calm and content.
This usually comes from childhood traumas where a boy feels that he has to protect mother from the world. Either father or boss or some other threatening factor. Most likely, while growing up his mother was depressed and/or anxious and he felt he had to support her.
This projects over to later into a ‘nice guy syndrome’ (I made that term up) in his own family. He becomes selflessly nice in a relationship and at work avoiding conflict and doing what is needed for everyone, except himself, to be happy and content. This more often than not comes with the expense of suppressing his own true emotions and feelings.
You’ll never know the true wants and feelings of a nice guy
It does look appealing to be a partner of a nice guy who is always there to support and help. However being his partner is actually rather difficult. First it might feel really good (nice), but soon enough suppressed emotions will start to impact the relationship. Reading between the lines, guessing your partners needs at every step can become demanding in the long run.
Same applies to professional life. No matter the position, not being able to communicate what is needed and trying to be nice will hurt the communication with your co-workers.
So it actually seems that it is much easier to communicate with an asshole. At least the feedback is real, exactly at the right moment and you know exactly what the person needs, likes or dislikes. With a nice guy you’ll never know if his anger comes from the situation at hand or a handful of other small things that have happened in the past.
Try not to be so nice all the time
It’s important to be nice, but if you’re overdoing it, then it will come at a cost in the long run.
Don’t try to be so god damn nice all the time!
Try to be in touch with your feelings and communicate your wants and needs to your partner and people around you. Try to find a good way to do this so they don’t feel offended. It will come out awkward at first, but you’ll feel better after letting others know how you really feel.